There are so many elements to this anxiety. I am concerned about letting myself down, not performing to my best (striving, if you will). The worry of what others will think if I do not perform well, embarrassment, shame, feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-worth. The potential lost time or cost relating to the experience, often based on a period of intense study, culminating in a single moment of success or failure. The pressure of judgement in a single moment, all my endeavours summed up in one single event, the exam. The feelings of unpreparedness, even if I have studied hard, in the uncertainty of the content of the exam itself. By the time I sit to take the exam itself, I am struggling with thoughts and feelings based on the fear of the future, none of which are important, relevant or indeed likely to happen. But I recognise that this is my current state and rather than tell myself to "calm down" (when has that advice ever worked for anyone, I wonder?), I observe myself, accept the feelings and thoughts as transient and choose to let them be. Notice I do not say let them go, for me this is an unrealistic goal. If I have built up the exam to be a thing of fear, that is not going to simply vanish if I focus on my breathing. Instead, I concentrate on not striving, but on just being, tackling the questions to the best of my ability, facing the challenge without dwelling on the feelings and thoughts that have been consuming me. It is by no means a perfect solution, but it does allow me to complete the task making me anxious, by acceptance of my state of being.
The process of acceptance begins with the willingness to see things exactly as they are in the present moment. Acceptance is not about resignation. It is about courage. It is about the courage to look a situation right in the eye and say: "Yes, I have this issue." Much like alcoholics first to recognise that they have a problem before they can do something about it, so do we need to accept that we have an issue and not trying to cover it up. By not covering it up, that is not for other people but not covering it up for ourselves. Trying not to live in a self-imposed denial.
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